Are You Married?

This has got to be one of the most common question I see on people’s faces when I, or any family member or friend, mention that I have two children. I know so because their eyes dart to my hands in a split second before returning eye contact with a puzzled look.

If either of us had been some Hollywood or international celebrity, Sean and I would constantly appear in the “Are they or are they not?” section of gossip magazines, debating whether we’re together, separated or divorced – all based on the presence of a ring, or lack of.

For starters, Sean and I celebrated being together for 10 years earlier in July. And come end October, we’ll be married for nine. And throughout these nine years, we spent less than a third of it wearing our wedding rings.

Here’s why.

It caused the beginning of my hand eczema

I don’t know how, but after wearing the ring for about a year, I started to develop hand eczema on my ring-wearing finger. Initially, I dismissed it as common rash, but when it started to spread to other parts of my hand, I freaked out and removed my ring upon Sean’s advice. With treatment, it recovered and I put my ring back on. Only to have the whole thing repeat itself. And now, I cannot get rid of it at all. I can only keep it at bay by avoiding certain chemicals that trigger it.

It’s easier to do everything without it

From holding hands to doing the household chores, it’s so much less constricting to the finger without the ring on. I don’t know about the rest of you, but having the ring pressed against my finger when I’m holding something (especially if it’s heavy or requires constant movement like mopping the floor) brings about great discomfort to me. It doesn’t help that Sean and I weren’t very fond of wearing accessories, other than on our necks, to begin with.

Note: I can always take it off and put it back on again, but that is really troublesome and dangerous – in the sense that I might end up misplacing and losing it.

The fear of it slipping off

Again, not sure how many of you feels this way, but there are times where the ring feels really tight, and times when the ring feels really loose. On days it feels loose, I constantly fear that the ring will just slip off my finger and roll into a drain or fall into the toilet bowl – neither of which I’ll even attempt to retrieve. So what happens is that I’ll end up holding my fingers tightly together, to ensure it won’t slip off, which causes discomfort.

The potential horror story

Sean told me of some horrific incidents that involved rings which he read about or recounted. Most of which involves the ring getting hooked onto something and ripping the finger out. Enough said.

I get a lot of puzzling looks and questions (sometimes behind my back), from the time I got married at 18 (shot gun, is it? No.) to when I started driving Sean’s car (married a rich man, eh? No.) to when I stop wearing the wedding ring (divorced already? No.) to having two children before the age of 25 (why have children so young? … … …).

I ought to be used to it by now, and usually it amuses me when people think up all these theories in their minds. What active imagination you all have! But when I get a stink eye from a complete stranger, shooting disapproving looks my way, more than once, I thought I should probably put it out there and explain why I’m not wearing any wedding rings. Hopefully, people will understand, and that one’s commitment to their spouse does not lie entirely on the presence of a ring.

The day we got married (2005)