There was a time in my life where everything was absolutely chaotic and changed relationships I knew – some for the better, some for the worse.
During that period, I was constantly in self-pity mode and victimized myself till no end. Family and friends who followed me on Twitter then probably remembered that period.
It went on for a really long time.
Then a friend got married and I asked if she planned on having any children.
She answered, something to the effect of,
Her words hit me hard.
How I could scare my own peers, who wanted children, into not wanting to have children really freaked me out! I never knew my words of anger and frustration would affect someone so much!
I went to look back at some of my older posts, just to see how frightening it was, and I got angry. Not of who I became, but of those particular issues that got me angry enough to tweet about. I was instantly reminded of the crap that went down and it made my normal day horrible.
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That’s when I realize… Bad things are easy to remember for me. I don’t seek revenge or anything, but I remember.
What I have trouble remembering, though, are the good things that happen to me.
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I started to pick myself back up and tried to change my mindset. Tried to be more positive towards my life.
During this process, I actively shared happier photos, words of encouragement (mostly to remind myself), hilarious and other feel good stuff – stuff that I love reading online to make my bad days better.
Gradually, life became less miserable. Things started to come together and I had more positive than negative thoughts.
Friends noticed the change and text me, saying they are happy to see my life coming around! It was an amazing feeling!
And we became pregnant again!
Lest some of you think that’s my happily ever after, it’s not.
I still have my bad days and I still rant. I just try to limit my audience of such abuse to selected friends. Haha!
Sometimes, I let slip and it finds its way onto Facebook. Sometimes, when I realize what I’ve done, I delete it.
That’s how I want to live my life. Focus on the positive, do my best to delete the negative.
You could argue that I’m putting myself in a bubble and not facing up to reality. Say what you want, but I personally believe that a happy life is far more important than certain realities I choose to ignore or leave behind. Some of these realities are not within my control anyway, so why waste time pondering over it and have it affect my life, right?
I’m definitely not a perfect person, but I do my best to remember that my life is pretty much perfect… Even if it’s in a selected perspective!
P.s. The friend mentioned above welcomed her baby this year. As did many of my friends! Yay!
